It's a pretty common feeling, I think. I still feel a fluttering in my belly. Which means I'm probably a little crazy, or just not ready to let go of the idea of being pregnant. I truly wish I had a little one growing in there, but I know there's nothing. I know that on Monday, when I go for my follow up ultrasound, there will be nothing.
My son was looking in my phone and pulled up the picture I took of myself on Saturday. It was my last picture taken of my belly. You can see my belly sticking out. I can't stop thinking about how wonderful it would be to be pregnant and have another baby.
This pregnancy was a total surprise. Neither of us had prepared for it or were interested in having more children when I found out I was pregnant. Eventually, I was happy, but it did take quite a bit of getting used to. I had many different feelings. Upset one minute, happy the next, and back and forth until I finally settled into just being happy about it. I was making plans for the future. Excited to have this little baby with all the cute little baby clothes, baby smiles, baby laughs, everything about babies was just awesome. I started working on the baby blanket, the first time I would have done that for one of my kids. And now it's all gone. My husband isn't interested in having another baby, but I want one. I want my baby that I lost. I want to feel a baby growing inside me again. I want to see my belly start to protrude and to share the joy with my family. I want all these things, but I'm afraid I can't have them.