Sunday, January 23, 2011

I hate weekends.

Weekends are hard for me. They mark both when I was 1 more week further in pregnancy as well as when my miscarriage all began. I won't lie, Saturday was the worst. I woke up and tried cleaning. Lots of cleaning. And while I cleaned, I kept breaking down in tears. I was so sad. It just hurt so much. The pains of the miscarriage are like it all happened yesterday. The emotion is still raw, still very much something I am living through. To drown my tears, I grabbed my mp3 player and the tears just poured as I cleaned floors, toilets, sinks, tubs, etc.

I tried to get on the computer but the wireless network just wasn't working. I had to really just deal with it all on my own. After cleaning, I picked up my knitting needles and started working on the baby sweater for my friend. She's due in March. My happiness for her is much stronger than my grief, so I find it a very therapeutic project. I wonder how many things I'll knit for her before she has the baby.

Today was better, but still a bit sad. I watched some TV, did a little cleaning, and relaxed for the most part. I did get out of the house today, even if it was only to the porch. It's further than I make it most days. Anyway, I'm hoping the days continue to get better.

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